Solving Problems with Practical Solutions

It’s the beginning of summer, Memorial Day Weekend. What are your plans? Will you be honoring the day with family? Sharing time with friends? As you gather with friends and family what will you find yourselves discussing? Will you share stories of success or commiserate over your most current problem? It is easy to discuss the “current economic condition” or how “hard” it is at work due to the layoffs. Stretching the dollar sure has become a problem.

I found myself thinking this past week about how often we tend to focus on our problems, not necessarily the solutions. It seems that we spend more energy talking about our problems than actually doing anything to rid ourselves of them. I mean really, sometimes it as though our problems become a part of our identity. Who would I be if not for my problems?

So, if you are growing a bit weary of discussing the “current problem” or listening to Aunt Edna and Cousin Frank tell you all about what is wrong this week in their world, then please continue reading. This Weekend Attitude Adjustment will provide you with some tools so that when your neighbor Larry starts down his road of woe you might actually help him to uncover some practical solutions. And then you can both get on with enjoying the day!

Isaac Asimov hit the nail on the head when he said, “If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.”

This is so true. Learning how to solve problems is one of those topics in the world that we don’t spend time learning about. While we may “talk” through our problems, learning about them is a whole different story. Think of the lost productivity at work or the lost emotional energy in your personal life spent dealing with “problem dramas.”

How do you reduce the “problem dramas” and get on with constructive working and living?
Imagine the freed up energy you could put toward other areas of your life. What about yourself or a peer who is stuck in their ways? While you can’t change a leopard’s spots, you can change behavior.

Rather than stew over a problem, work on finding solutions to resolve it. Use these six steps to solve problems:
1. Define the problem and the expected results. Ask yourself, “What is the problem?” State it as specifically as possible giving attention to all facets of the problem. Charles Kettering once said, “A problem well-defined is half solved.” Ask yourself, “is this the real problem?”
2. Collect facts and ideas. Collect, as many facts, ideas and opinions as you believe may be necessary to provide insights into the problem.
3. Generate solutions. Gather all possible solutions, no matter how wild they may seem. This is the time to brainstorm. All ideas are possible solutions at this stage. Use everyone’s creative imaginations and note all possible solutions. In the words of Bertrand Russell, “The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.” A favorite question I like to ask myself or others when I feel stuck is, “I know I can’t but if I could what would I …?” By asking this question it eliminates the “yeah buts” and opens up the thinking to possibility.
4. Pick the best solution. Which of the solutions in Step 3 would most possibly give you the results you defined in Step 1?
5. Implement the solution. Start acting on the solution. Remember that you may have more problems by not doing anything than by doing the wrong thing.
6. Evaluate the solution. Is the solution working? Are you achieving the desired results? Now is the time to make any modifications that may be necessary.

Jot down these 6 steps. Spend some time this weekend applying this system to your problems. Then later when you are at that picnic, pool party or soccer game and Sara or Sam approach you with their latest dilemma you will be prepared for a healthy, constructive conversation that may result in a practical solution.

Ahhh, now doesn’t that feel better? A practical solution is as refreshing as a cool glass of lemonade on a warm day. And now I’m off for a burger…  until next time I remain …

Joyfully yours,
Mary Elizabeth

399 Miles to Empty

Do you feel like a Super Hero when it comes time to planning your life? Would a colorful cape, some cool boots and a lasso be all you need to complete this persona to help you conquer the world and meet your everyday responsibilities?

What about that feeling of losing control over your time? Somehow it’s gotten off-course like a runaway train. Somehow it has gripped you with a force only someone with superhuman powers could escape. If only you could stop that train with your powerful boots or break the grip with the strength of your gold bracelets!

Last week, while I was on a business trip to Chicago I rented a car from my friends at Avis. I, put my luggage in the trunk, adjusted the mirrors and before I shifted into drive I looked at the dashboard. I saw in bright neon green numbers and letters the following message – “399 miles to Empty”.

And I thought – hmmm – what if we humans came with the same type of meter. I little register in our system that monitored and mentioned to us how many miles we had left in us to EMPTY!

Everywhere I went in that car I was reminded of how many miles I had until EMPTY! It actually became a bit annoying – I found myself much more concerned about my gas tank than ever before. It was right there on my dashboard, dead center and unavoidable. I just kept thinking there was a greater message here and certainly something for me to share with you, the Weekend Attitude Adjustment Community. So here goes …

Where do you start or stop when you realize that you are not a Super Hero but a normal human running around in Super Hero clothing and driving a car that will be EMPTY in 399 miles.

The fact of the matter is that time is the great equalizer. We all get the same amount to use everyday. Twenty-four hours, 1,440 minutes, 86,400 seconds; however you break down your day, it’s barely enough time to get your own house in order, let alone save the world! Beginning at 12:00 am Saturday you will have 2,880 minutes for this weekend, so much for sleeping in on Saturday morning. That leisurely coffee and crumpet plan for Sunday – forget it – you only have 900 minutes left to EMPTY!

On the other hand if you run around with “your hair on fire” as a friend of mine likes to say – how long do you think you have until your internal gas tank reads EMPTY?

Any way you look at it, time is precious. How can you maximize it and at the same time maintain a human lifestyle?

First, sit back and close your eyes for a minute. Now, imagine if you could have 60 minutes of unscheduled time every day. That would be seven hours in a week and 28 additional hours in a month. Expand it for the year and that would be 14 extra free days. Woo hoo Grove Park Inn Resort and Spa here I come …

This may sound ridiculous, but it’s not. In spite of your busy work schedule, the fact that the shopping won’t do itself, and not to mention your all-too-human desire to spend time with your family, I am actually suggesting that you “Super Hero” can in fact find an extra 60 minutes in every day – for you. Time to do the things you keep on that “if I only had more time” wish list.

The following is a list of 11 tips and concepts for time management. This weekend simply practice a few of these and see come Sunday night if you still have a little fuel left in the tank.

As you review this list, ask yourself some questions: Which of these categories are most critical? Which category are you already controlling? Learn ways to develop those you still need to improve upon and sooner rather than later you will have those extra two weeks. My favorite weekend tips are in bold!!

1. Goals – Be sure that you are setting S.M.A.R.T. goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed.
2. Priorities – Most people start with the quick, easy, enjoyable things first. Instead, start with the important things. Do the weeding, shopping, whatever chores first thing Saturday morning – sip Lemonade in the afternoon.
3. Analyze Your Day – Check that your activities are consistent with your goals. Are you spending your time in a way that brings your heart joy?
4. Plan – Make sure your daily “to do” list has priorities and time estimates. You run out of time, not work.
5. Schedule – Little ever happens in your life until you create the space for it to happen. Set a start and an end time.
6. Interruptions – Schedule quiet time each day so that you can work on your priorities without interruption. Before the running of the errands… take time to visualize how you would like to see your day play out.
7. Written Communications – Ask yourself these three questions: Will I really do anything with this? If the answer is “no,” then dump it. If the answer is “yes,” ask the next two questions: When will I do it? Where will I keep it?
8. Meetings – Identify a specific result to be achieved for each agenda item. Schedule people to come and go as they are needed.
9. Delegation – Consider how you will manage the job before you delegate it. Insist on results not perfection. There are usually many ways to get the same results. Learn to live with differences. “How perfect does that lawn have to be … really?”
10. Procrastination – What causes you to put things off? Most of us tend to avoid things that are unpleasant, complex or overwhelming.
11. Team Time – Discuss goals, priorities, and plans with superiors, subordinates, team members and support staff. Do it often. Family, children, neighbors, friends – discuss the plan so that everyone can support it, have fun and save some fuel –carpool!

Not using your time wisely can impact both your professional and personal lives. You don’t have to be Super Hero, but you can lasso time back under your control.

I would love to hear from you and your thoughts on this topic. How will you use your 2,880 minutes this weekend? Please click comment below and share your ideas and wisdom.

And until next time … I remain …

Joyfully yours,
Mary Elizabeth

Avoid Criticism

Hello Weekend Attitude Adjustment Community!

Will you join me in a new challenge this week-end?  Do you or others think that you are “too critical”? Do you avoid people because of their constant criticism of you? Are you ready to focus your attention on your internal and external communication patterns this weekend and maybe for the next 30 days?

This may sound like  too much “work”, especially for the weekend.  However, it could be fun, really!

If you are ready to play - read on…

For an effective communication strategy and to avoid giving criticism, think – divide and conquer!

That is, separate observation from evaluation.

According to Marshall Rosenburg, Ph.D., author of Non-Violent Communication, A Language of Compassion, “when we combine an observation with an evaluation our words can be heard as criticism.”

Mixing our observations and evaluations is a recipe for disaster. The more we mix our observations with our evaluations of another person’s behavior, the less likely that person is going to be open to us. They will probably be less open to hearing our words, empathizing with our feelings or being receptive in any way to our intended message.

“We need to observe what we are seeing, hearing, or touching that is affecting our well being without mixing in evaluation,” said Rosenburg.

This is why it’s important to keep your observations specific to time and context. If you choose to utilize this language skill, you will increase the chances of conveying your message to the listener in the way in which you intended, and not as criticism. Below are some examples of observations and evaluations:

EXAMPLE #1:
Observation and evaluation mixed together: “She won’t get her work in.”
Observation separate from evaluation: “She has a great amount of work and less than 2 days to complete it. (Observation) I don’t know if she will get her work in.” (Evaluation)

EXAMPLE #2:
Observation and evaluation mixed together: “You are late.”
Observation separate from evaluation: “I see that you were not here at 9:00 a.m.” (Observation only)

Following these tips can help you separate your observations and evaluations:
 Be aware of when you generalize – using words like always, never, ever, whenever, etc.
 Don’t mix what you see with your opinion
 Be aware of labels, especially negative labels – lazy, stupid, brainy, egotistical, etc.

Even when we label someone by their socially accepted title we could be evaluating. For example, calling someone a “cook” can be considered an evaluation according to Rosenburg. The following stanza from a poem by Ruth Bebermeyer explains it this way,

“I’ve looked as hard as I can look
but never ever seen a cook;
I saw a person who combined
ingredients on which we dined,
A person who turned on the heat
and watched the stove that cooked the meat -
I saw those things but not a cook. Tell me, when you’re looking,
Is it a cook you see or is it someone doing things that we call cooking?”

I recommend a practice run in seeing how many evaluations or judgments you make in a particular situation. This weekend when you go to the mall, grocery store or any other public setting, observe how many “evaluations” you make over a 15-minute period. Does it make you wonder if the number of evaluations/judgments made during this period makes you an extremely judgmental person, average or below average? Think about how many evaluations you make when you are not making a conscious effort to pay attention to your evaluations/judgments.

Expand this practice run to a 30-day trial of actually speaking from observation without mixing in evaluation. Practice articulating observations separate from evaluations. Try this in both your personal and professional life.

The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that observing without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence. Remember, the goal is not to ever have an evaluation. The goal is to separate your evaluation from your observation. With this in mind, you will be able to effectively communicate your message, which will be a win-win situation for you and the listener.

Please send us your results. It will be fun to share how this intentional effort benefits you and others!

Until next time… I remain or appear to remain…

Joyfully yours,

Mary Elizabeth

Celebrate Life’s Precious Moments

It’s that time of year again! Time to celebrate the benchmarks of life; you probably have a calendar filled with invitations to weddings, communions, graduations, bar mitzvahs, and birthdays. One  year we had 3 – (always a magic number), 3 graduations in the same weekend in two different parts of the country, both requiring travel.  And during our struggle to determine how we would financially and physically be able to attend each one I began to consider the significance of each of these events. It is an opportunity to honor and celebrate accomplishment, a time to acknowledge a coming of age. Graduations are only one of many of the mile markers in our lives. Graduations also symbolize endings and beginnings.

The first is grammar school. You remember the days when you were on the top of the world. You were an “eighth grader”. Life was all about being cool and having fun. After all you ruled the school, you were an eighth grader. It was a great year. Your biggest responsibility as you prepared to launch into your teen years was to take the constitution test and get accepted into the same high school as your best friend. Soon however you would be thrust back to the bottom rung of the social ladder. In just 3 short months you would again be starting over – as a freshman.

The next graduation on our list is high school. Life was all about being cool and having fun. Are you beginning to see a pattern here? The stakes have gotten a little higher, the choices a bit more liberating. Now the responsibilities carried more weight. Decisions about college vs. working vs. marriage, vs. all 3 (there’s that number again). Where your best friend is going matters, but not as much, suddenly every decision seems to start or end with the words, “for the rest of your life”.

Finally it’s college. Where life once again has been about being cool and having fun, these after all are the final days. Soon you will be an adult, working in the adult world, with “grown-up” responsibilities. Your best friend might not even live in the same state as you do anymore. It’s time to think about “career moves”, financial status and settling down with someone to share “the rest of your life”. Soon you will begin again, on the bottom rung of your first corporate job. For what you hope is the last time –you will be the new kid on the block, because now you are ready to “get on with your life”.

Funny how beginnings and endings continue throughout our lives, even when we think they have ended. Remember being the “the up and comer”, “the one to watch”, “the rising star”. Then there was the newly-wed, the first time parent, and the new homeowner. Suddenly and before we know it, we become the grandparents, the empty nesters, the retired community.

Yes, life is full of beginnings and endings. It is important that with each one we stop and celebrate. The celebrations are what we will remember. Be sure you find a way to celebrate life’s most precious moments. Celebrate this weekend. Mark the moment.

Be sure to share with our community your thoughts on beginnings and endings. How are you marking the precious moments in your life? Click on the comments box below and share your thoughts, wisdom, experience!

And until next time I remain…

Joyfully yours,

Mary Elizabeth